Name That Baby!

With great power comes great responsibility. No, I’m not talking about Spiderman. I’m talking about having kids and naming them. Some people take this responsibility very seriously. I know couples who have stayed in the hospital a week just to figure out the perfect name for their new baby…because 9 months wasn’t long enough. I don’t have any kids but I’m weirdly obsessed with baby names. I met someone from Finland who told me something very interesting. Where he is from, you have to get your name approved so that no one has the same 3 names. He said we should start that because here in the States, anything goes and you can get away with naming your baby Playstation. I just met someone from Argentina whose mom wasn’t approved to name her Melissa since two S’s was a foreign way to spell it so her name was changed to Melisa. I looked into other countries because I found this fascinating. 

In Sweden, the law says first names shall not be approved if they can cause offense or cause discomfort for the one using it. There was a big controversy over the name Metallica, which more than one couple have tried to use.

In Germany, you must be able to tell the gender of the child by the first name (sorry for U.S. girls named Hayden, Blake, or Bryce), and the name chosen must not negatively affect the well being of the child. Also, you cannot use last names or the names of objects or products as first names.

In Denmark, parents can choose from a list of 7,000 pre-approved names to protect children from having odd names. If you want to name your child something that isn’t on the list, you have to get special permission from your local church, and the name is then reviewed by governmental officials.

In New Zealand, the names Fish & Chips, Sex Fruit, Satan and Adolf Hitler have been rejected. But the names Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence have been approved.Who would name their kid Adolf Hitler?! A couple actually got away with it in New Jersey. The States have very few laws when it comes to baby naming. Most states just won’t let you name your kid a number (as in actual digit, no 8 but Eight is acceptable), a symbol or obscenities. But other than that, name away!

Seems like celebrities take the cake with names like Fifi Trixiebelle, Pilot Inspektor, and Sage Moonblood. These poor kids! I’m named after a country and I still have to spell it every time I meet someone. I can’t imagine going to school with a name like Placenta or Marmaduke.

So maybe you think you’re hilarious or you just want to make your parents happy by passing on the name Beulah, but think about the kids. Bullying is getting worse, don’t guarantee that for them at birth. I think everyone should get their names approved by the DisasterJuice crew. If you know someone with a bun in the oven, tell them to contact us!     ~Dutch

[This isn’t getting any better in Hollywood either: Celebrity Baby Names of 2012 include Blue Ivy, Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, Tennessee, Olive, Breeze Beretta, twins Jai Blue and Dev Eshaan]

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